Daily Sizzle: Cell Phone Elbow is the new Cell Phone Brain Cancer

The Daily Sizzle is where us here at FM, rant, rave, hate, and date pretty much anything we want.

If you talk on a cell phone, you’re probably going to die.

” If your pinkie and ring fingers tingle or feel numb, you might not want to pick up that cell phone to call the doctor.”

CNN’s crack investigation squad is reporting that our elbows are not made to be bent at a 168 degree angle to hold a cell phone to our ears for 6 hours while talking to that dude from yahoo chat (26/m/hotsville).  In fact, they are going so far to say that in doing so we may be hurting our bodies!  Apparently, when your fingers start going numb, its a BAD thing. I always thought it meant 5 minutes to a stranger.  To really understand WHY this is bad for us, CNN brings in a big doctor type who explains something about choking blood and straining nerves.  I prefer to explain it using a history lesson: (if religious, see modified history lesson)

History Lesson: The first humans did not have cell phones.

(G)odified History Lesson: Cell Phones are the devil’s work and they make our fingers tingle because that’s Satin slowly pulling you into hell.

The article continues on to say when you start feeling numbness to simply switch hands.  This could be the end of the article, but no, this is CNN.  Madison Park continues;

“People who have this condition, called cubital tunnel syndrome, can feel weakness in their hands and have difficulty opening jars or playing musical instruments.”

Ok, so if you talk long enough on a cell phone you end up with Michael J Fox Syndrome. I get it. I have learned my lesson, I will never talk on my cell phone with the same hand for more than 35 seconds and will always use some sort of supportive elbow brace.

The story continues to tell the sob story of a woman who thought she was getting old but was actually talking on her cell phone too much.  But luckily, product placement came a long and a bluetooth headset simoultaneously fixed all hand pains and made her look like a jackass.

Enter Doctor #2 to help us understand this deeply complicated medical mystery;

“It’s like anything else, any sporting activity,” Benson said. “You can hit balls at the driving range — just don’t hit 300 of them, because you’ll be sore. So common sense would dictate not to talk on the phone for hours if your small and ring fingers go numb.”

I’m glad we got a real doctor to come explain this to us. I know now that when I get sore from playing sports I should stop.  Before I just kept going until I passed out.  But stopping when I get sore or tired is ingenious! Stayed tuned next week when CNN explains that it’s much more comfortable to put the left shoe on your left foot and the right shoe on your right foot.

by roninpowride
2 years ago