Daily Sizzle: Jason Statham = ACTING GOD

The newest and first feature of Fajitamonday is the Daily Sizzle. (Do
NOT count on seeing one everyday) The Daily Sizzle is where us here at FM, rant, rave, hate, and date pretty much anything we want.

I remember the first time I saw Crank. That masterful docudrama about a man trying to win back his life by taking copious amounts of cocaine, energy drinks, and KICKING ASS! It seems like only yesterday I first saw the camera zoom in to show our triumphant hero’s heart beating rapidly after he started beating up some gangsters.

Well lover of cinematic classics, just in time for not oscar season, I present to you…

CRANK 2. HIGH MOTHER-FUCKIN-MONEY-MAKING-VOLTAGE

BAM!

In a FM exclusive, we take you to the top executive meeting where Crank 2 was developed.

Lionsgate GM: Soo, we need something new, something fresh.. these young kids, what are they into?

Lionsgate Employee 1: Musicals about normal kids doing normal things?

Man Cleaning Windows Outside: FUCK ITS COLD. I HATE DECEMBER.

LGM: Noooooo, they love drugs. annnd sex. what movies have we done with drugs and sex in the past couple years?

LE1: What movies have we done that didn’t have drugs or sex in them in the past couple years?

LGM: YOU’RE FIRED! (GM throws Employee 1 out window that MCWO was cleaning)

MCWO: MY WINDOW!

LGM: (To Lionsgate Employee 2) What movie have we done in the past couple years that was filled with copious amounts of drugs and sex

Lionsgate Employee 2: (trying to fix his bike in the office) Fuck, this damn Crank…

LGM: CRANK! THAT’S IT! We’ll do a sequel to Crank! We’ll get that Jason Statpork guy and make billions of dollars.

LE2: Ummm doesn’t he die at the end of the last movie?

LGM: I dont know, I didnt see it…

pause

LGM: Just jump out the window already.

LE2: I hate my job.

by roninpowride
3 years ago