Daily Sizzle: Feb. 27

The newest and first feature of Fajitamonday is the Daily Sizzle. (Do NOT count on seeing one everyday) The Daily Sizzle is where us here at FM, rant, rave, hate, and date pretty much anything we want. Also, usually my colleague RP writes this column, but I’ll be taking my own stab today.

And what’s got me pissed? Well, funny I should mention that, because it does involve the potty.

See, here’s the thing. I consider myself a pretty Green-friendly guy. I drive an economy car. I recycle. I’m conscious of what I eat and how far it comes from and so on. My employer is extremely green. That said, I still can’t help but to be occasionally miffed by our boat-ramming, eco-terrorist friends at Greenpeace. I consider Greenpeace to be the second-most obnoxious activist group behind PETA, who once gave children an illustrated pamphlet on how their moms killed bunnies.

That rant aside, Greenpeace is now claiming that wiping my ass is killing the environment. To add insult to injury, the Guardian (UK) includes this lovely line: “The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners.”.

So, I guess I’ll put this out now. Dear Environment. Or Gaia. Or whatever. I’m sorry that I prefer to wipe with multi-ply tissue, and that the comfort of my bum is important to me. In fact, I feel that a part of accomplishing the American dream and moving up includes access to higher quality personal hygiene products!

Thankfully, Greenpeace has published this pocket guide (PDF) to inform me of what brands are best. What’s ironic, I suppose, is that the way the PDF is created you can’t just read it. You actually need to print it out. Now where’s my 80% baby-seal skin paper?

by mashthekeys
3 years ago