March 4, 2009

An analysis of Spam Message titles

In a one-time feature, I’m going to highlight some of the 888 spam messages I had jingling around in my gmail spam bucket today. We’ll take a good look at what they are and could possibly mean.
  • From: Dish Network Special Pro.:Fire Your Cable Company for 10 Bucks a month
    I can fire an ENTIRE COMPANY? Really? Now, I don’t even currently pay for cable, so I don’t particularly have a gripe with Comcast, but assuming I did…for $10 I can fire all 100,000 of it’s employees? That’s 100 employees per cent! Of course, unless they mean bucks as in male deer. Then it gets more complicated.

  • From: Russian Brides: …HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE WOMEN IN RUSSIA?!?
    WHY NO, I HAVEN’T. TELL ME MORE. REALLY, I CAN JUST ORDER THESE OFF THE INTERNET? Oh, wait, I don’t want to pay the shipping and handling.
  • From: nelida hakeem: Yoour seex lifee wiill be bteter thaan eever bfeore thakns to tehse plils
    I can only assume that your pills have made the sex life of your marketing director SO GOOD that he’s having a hard time hitting the keys with all the ladies coming onto him.

  • From: stiven muskthel: You woon?t be ablee to stoop the beautiufl ladeis froom jumpnig all oover you.
    Listen, stiven (do you go by stive for short?), I was just contacted by your friend nelida, and really, I’m all set with the pills, thanks. I wish you the best of luck in stooping the beautiful ladies and getting back to your hard work sending out these informational emails.
  • From: Rolex Watches: Just waiting for a Breitling
    Wow Rolex…I mean, that’s gotta be bad PR to admit that you’d prefer (and are desperately awaiting) someone else’s watches. Thanks for the heads up though!

  • From: jgbaehr: Christ god unhappy Cialis soft
    I really don’t have much to say here. I’m sorry that he’s unhappy with Cialis.
  • From: David Matthew: Your 1000 Bonus is Waiting…
    Apparently so many people have realized that Dave Matthews music sucks, so he’s hawking crap on the internet under the clever guise of “David Matthew.” Well, David, my 1000 bonus WHAT?! Dollars? Boxes of Chex-Mix? Kidney Punches?! Please let me know!

  • From: Basil Dannie: Hi! This is Lana from Goodwater, Alabama. Wanna date?
    I’m sure Lana/Basil/Whoever is nice and all, but I’m not particularly interested. I don’t even like NASCAR.
  • From: GiantTomato: Get 3 big hybrid tomatoes
    Wow. Really, wow. But no thanks, I prefer my American-built, gas-powered tomatoes instead.

by mashthekeys

Comments (View)
blog comments powered by Disqus