March 30, 2009

Daily Sizzle: Sham-Whacked a Hooker.

The Daily Sizzle is where us here at FM, rant, rave, hate, and date pretty much anything we want.

“Soak’s up 50 times its weight in hooker blood”
-Courtesy of MtK Courtesy of The Smoking Gun

Hey everyone! How was your weekend? Good? How good? See a Movie?  Go on a Date? Did you beat up a 1000 dollar hooker who wouldnt stop biting your tongue in your 750 dollar a night hotel room? Oh… you didn’t… well you’re weekend wasn’t as good as Vince Schlomi aka the ShamWow guy.  There are a couple things that suprised me when I read this, the LEAST of which are that this guy pays money for “straight sex.”

  • The 750 dollar a night hotel room thing:  How is this man making that kind of money… unless he’s just binging everything he made of the ShamWow and Slap/Chop all at once in a huge cocaine/hooker type orgy.
  • The 1000 dollar hooker thing: Is there a price point at which hooker’s stop having STD’s?  I mean, if you go for the $500+ women of the night do they only have the herp?  How does that work?  What are you expecting from a 1000 dollar hooker that you would never imagine a 500 dollar one could provide.  Especially considering he claimed all he wanted was; “straight sex”
  • The ShamWow guy is 44 thing:  Ok so I think that actually clears up both of the issues I discussed above…

I would like to close with a theory:  The ShamWow guy takes the elevator down from his 750 dollar hotel room, ready to meet some babes and get laid.  As I see it, this woman wasn’t a hooker at all.  ShamWow man comes down to the hotel bar, kinda just starts hanging out.  He probably pulls out a shamWow and a slap chop and starts playing around, waiting to get noticed by someone under 350 pounds and/or under the age of 40.  Our so called hooker is at the end of the bar, and mistakenly makes eye contact.  ShamWow guy jumps on the opportunity because thats how he’s made the large amount of money he apparently has. She agrees to let him buy a couple rounds and they both get a little drunk.  Then he says;  “why don’t we go up to my room and have some fun.”  She drunkinly states;  Yeah, ok, 1000 dollars shamamamaawowwman.  Then he pulls out 1000 dollars and says, “DEAL!”

Full Disclosure: I DO NOT OWN A SHAMWOW

by roninpowride

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